no.26 On Relaxing

A year and a half ago, I paid $125 for a dermatologist to tell me I was stressed out.

I made the appointment to figure out why I was breaking out in itchy patches all over, for no apparent reason without end. She barely even looked at the symptom before she said, “Oh yea, you’re stressed. Your homework is to go home and figure out why you’re stressed and find ways to reduce it.”

I left frustrated. I’m not a stressed out person! I’m mellow! I have everything planned and together and aligned! Well, I roll from one thing to the next…without stopping to relax…without knowing how to relax…and saying yes to all the projects I want to take on but don’t have the time for…

I burned myself out.

So badly that my body reacted so I could finally figure out I needed to stop. It became the catalyst to get me to rethink how I use my time and what I commit to. Of course we’ve all heard we’re to “say no more often” and not overcommit ourselves, but I was in a place where I truly felt like I was fine…producing a lot, involved in a lot, and making it all work. I’m a power woman!

I failed to realize in scheduling every minute of my day with something, I had no time for nothing. When I did, I just felt anxious and like I should be doing something; that I wasn’t living life to the fullest.

I had to learn to what “relax” meant for me.

One thing I decided to commit to was a monthly massage. No longer would I view it as an indulgence or added expense, but as a monthly night of peace and nothingness for myself. I’d get a massage with my beloved therapist, I’d come home and eat frozen pizza with ranch recklessly, and I’d go to bed. No writing, no exercise plan, no rushing through a book or extra email, pure nothing.

Finding that this was a sense of relief. I had to approach “relaxing” as I do my other activities finding a purpose, making time, and committing. Once I could establish this as a priority, I was able to find time for a weeknight of each month for “me.” It sounds so simple as I reflect on it, but it took awhile before I could figure out how to add it into my week without it becoming stressful.

This became a catalyst to discovering other ways I feel “relaxed.” It seemed ridiculous that I didn’t know this before. I figured spending a night home cooking or binge watching Netflix was “relaxing” because it seemed so for everyone else. All I found was added stress and a feeling of procrastination on everything else I should be doing. Only when I committed to an activity that was actually relaxing for me did I see my stress levels go down. It also opened up my mind to other ways I can reap relaxation without needing the commitment or expense.

Now I am more conscious about seeking was to ingrain relaxing time into my routine so I don’t boil over again. I think so much of the pressure comes from this feeling that people like me are doing more than me; if they can make it work than so can I, and I can do more! Realizing this comes with balance helps me reprioritize and make that time for me, for I realize if I don’t I have less to give to the other things I’m passionate about.

P.S. So if you ever needed a reason to splurge on a massage, I hope this can help you craft one!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

This post is 26/52 in the project 52 Musings On Life This Far. Thanks for following along on the journey!

Related posts:

quando me pega pela nuca com precisão e firmeza sinto o atrito de nossas peles meu corpo todo suado úmido e salgado fotografo-te com o olhar e em minha mente salvo a perspectiva que vejo seu sexo é o…

Deep learning has revolutionized the field of artificial intelligence, enabling machines to learn and make decisions on their own through the use of neural networks. Neural networks are a set of…

A restored west Fork River opens up waterways, improving fish passage and recreation as well as paving the way for river restoration efforts in West Virginia