Have you ever had a dream?

Have you ever had a dream so vivid that you can see and feel everything around you in the dream? I am talking about feeling the emotions, hear the conversations, seeing what is going on around you.. and thinking that this is real? Only to wake up and kinda feel disappointed that it was all a dream? But to be near the person (in real life, not the dream) and trying not to think about your dream..

This happened to me this morning.

I woke up as I do most mornings, still tired and needing my coffee.. but first I have to pee, let the dog out and feed the demanding cats that I have. Once I did all that… I was able to start pouring a cup of coffee.. and then it hit me…

I had such a vivid dream last night, about someone.. that I should not be dreaming of, I should not be dreaming of this person for many reasons, one being I am in a relationship, not the happiest one (I wont lie..) but none the less I am in one.. and not with the person that I had a dream about. The second reason that I should not have had that dream was because it was OF MY BOSS..

Now I get these dreams happen.. and based on what I read they happen to many people.. you dream of your boss.. thing is… my boss, whom I do love and respect (love like a boss, like a friend.. I have worked here for over 5 years and we have been through a lot together) Well he is a hard person to get along with. Not for me.. I have a soft spot with him, meaning he is always going to bat for me and always looking out for me.

So I start to remember the dream, we are at work.. we are getting ready to leave and he asked me to go for a drink after work, I am not dressed up by any means, I am wearing my “normal” clothes.. so tights, tee shirt and a sweater with my hair in a ponytail, and running shoes… I am not even a drinker, but for some reason I go. We have a drink, and then we are at his house.. I can see that his house is well maintained for a single man.. the décor is decent.. he is now in the kitchen cooking, while I am sitting at his counter talking to him.. he looks comfortable cooking, while talking to me about random things from what happened at work to what we plan on doing for the Christmas holidays..

Moving forward, we both are sitting at this point and eating what he cooked.. which was chicken and beans and a salad with garlic bread. I am not sure what happens.. or how.. but then.. all I remember is we are now upstairs at his house, in what I assume to be his bedroom. We are kissing, I can still feel his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my face, caressing my body, we are not wearing clothes, I can feel my tongue ring on areas of him, as I nibble his ear… his chest and work my way to other places.. This is so intense, I am telling you this sure does not feel like a dream! At least in my mind.

All of a sudden he starts getting dressed, as he had a call from his ex, there was a fire at her house and he tells me that he has to leave, but not to go anywhere he will be back.

Now please keep in mind, I know I am not the best looking person in the world, and I do not have the class that his exes seem to have.. I swear.. I am clumsy.. I laugh loud, and Love hard.. I am not a tiny person, some would classify me as a BBW or Obese… I just know that I am me.. and a person that is worth knowing.

When he returns, and he is motioning me to sit down.. that he wants to talk. He tells me that his ex needs a place to stay for the next little while and she will be staying with him. I wont lie.. I was not expecting a relationship.. I mean this is a dream after all.. I tell him that there is no need to explain.. this is your life and you owe me nothing.. Please note that this really does feel like it was lasting a long time.. I bet it was only 2 seconds though.. lol.

I proceed to tell him that I understand and that friends come first.. I 110% agree, well his ex is now standing at the kitchen sink washing her hands.. she is in her pajamas, I mean why wouldn't she be.. her house was on fire and she cant get dressed before fleeing the house. She sits on the couch beside my boss and I and he introduces me … “Carole, this is my girlfrie…” as I look at him wide eyed.. because in my head I know that this cant be real, I am with someone and he is my BOSS. Carole reaches over him and extends her hand to shake mine as she says “This must be Jackie, I was wondering when you were going to make an appearance”

At this point I am holding my head **in real life** in my kitchen as this is flashing back to me as I sip my coffee.. rubbing my temple.. asking myself what is the F*#K are you thinking? What is going on with you? How will you play it cool around your boss, so that he doesn't wonder what is wrong with you? Just to paint a picture I am an awkward person and I accept that, I embrace it.

As I walk down the hall in my house to my bedroom to get dressed, I am getting the flashbacks.. I wont lie, I was intrigued by them.. feeling guilty? YES.. but my mind is still recalling the dream..

At this point Kyle *my boss, is in the kitchen again getting us some water. I start to walk over to him and I have a puzzled look on my face I can see it.. these flashbacks are like a movie in my head.. we are now talking in the kitchen I don’t recall about what.. but it is clear we are having a conversation.. I look back and I see Carole making herself comfortable and giving me a death glare.. again in my head I am thinking this isn't real.. why would this be happening..

I am getting dressed in real life at this point and once again I am recalling the dream.. I am now in Kyles bed.. with him.. I see us.. my leg is sorta half out of his red comforter that he has (I do not know if he really has one!) You know, my leg is bent in the upright position.. so my knee is pointing to his ceiling. I can see us kissing and rolling around.. I can tell that I am enjoying it and I don't want it to stop.. Am I wanting to just stop having these flashbacks? Yes and no..

At this point I am driving to work and pull in to my parking lot.. I think to myself.. be normal.. don’t act weird.. don’t picture Kyle in your flashbacks.. He wont know.

I come in and walk in to his office, I say “good morning Kyle” I grab my paperwork and head to my office, I have been sitting in my office not able to stop all of the flashbacks.. wondering if this is normal or if I need to go talk to someone and seek help? While I have to go in and out of his office multiple times a day.. I do look at him and everything comes rushing back.. all the things.. of us.. in his bedroom.. I get weak in the knees and tingles..

Please tell me if this is something that you have experienced or do I really need help? Would I act on my flashbacks? Heck no.. but are they enjoyable? Yes!

Do I love Nathan (my partner) Yes, we have a past.

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