Getting Dolled Up For Zoom

Zany Zoom

I bet no one even looks at me

Today is my regular Crow’s Feet Medium writers Zoom meeting. So, as one does, I am in my closet trying to decide what to wear.

I have to remember the Zoom thumbnail panel is only my top half. I am not looking for pants and for god’s sake, why am I searching for matching underwear and socks.

Anyhow, shirts. Aging causes a lapse in fashion. I have some great tops from around 1973, but heaven only knows if they have come back in style or not. How about my ‘Nixon Is A Crook’ tee? Maybe the ‘My Mom Was At Woodstock’ hat. Or not.

Open collar or business-like tie? Who am I kidding? Trying to clasp the top button on my eighty-two-year-old neck would make me late for the meeting if I didn’t choke myself to death. Think about it. I could break either my left or right index finger in the process. Then, no Zoom for me today, boo hoo.

What about color? Are patterns ok? Hmm. Maybe I should ask one of the team members with a TV background.

I have spent enough time in the dimly lit room sliding hangers. Now it is time to think about hair and makeup.

Haha, I don’t have either.

I now turn on the iMac and open Photo Booth to preview what I will look l look like on screen. Geeze, is that me? Maybe someone hacked my computer. Who knows?

There are some funny filters, one of which is ‘dizzy,’ which I am. I also like ‘light tunnel’ because I can obscure most of my face.

Does Zoom have goofy filters? If not, why not? Hoity-toity boardroom types need to lighten up, don’t they?

But I digress.

What about the background? Zoom is cool enough to allow all kinds of stuff. If you are not feeling adventurous, go with ‘blur.’ I like the library-looking bookshelves. I want them thinking, ‘He read all those? Damn!’

A sneaky thing to do is upload a scene of your own. Unlimited possibilities, although naked-lovers-in-action is probably not the best choice. It might distract the moderator. I once used a picture of my dog barking at the mail carrier. See? That’s why everyone keeps saying, ‘Warren, you are muted.’

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